Exxon CEO Lee Raymond was just a scrappy shoeshine boy with a big dream when he arrived at Advomatic's dormant volcano headquarters. He pitched us this idea: take over the world. It had a nice ring to it, and we quickly went to work.
The website we built helped his little startup suck the very life's blood out of the planet, start untold numbers of resource wars, topple governments, and corrupt local economies while sending much of the Earth's population into a new and improved serfdom.
When mishaps occurred, our Strategic Communications experts helped massage the message - 50 million gallons of spilled oil coating bird and fish sanctuaries became a heart-warming story of ExxonMobil generously improving wildlife viscosity.
Thanks to Exxon alumni and recruits from right wing think-tanks like the American Enterprise Institute (Lee Raymond, Chair) we helped staff up President George W. Bush's Administration with the best minds of the 13th Century. It was Ex-Exxon employees that convinced President George W. Bush to make the bold pronouncement that America would wean itself from Petroleum completely by the year 4930.
That's Advomatic and ExxonMobil, looking out for you. Advomatic is currently building an escape pod for Mr. Raymond and other members of staff to find a new habitable planet - completion date soon.
